Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
