If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
