Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
