I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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