fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
