Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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