thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
