im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
