God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
