Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
