apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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