He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
