Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
