New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
