Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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