fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
