for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
