Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
