my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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