the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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