So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
