I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
