I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
