The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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