This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have feelings that need drinking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
