alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize