Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
