remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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