On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
