Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
