Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
