My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
