I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
