I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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