well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
