Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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