her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
