Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
