I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this just has baby written all over it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
