Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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