how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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