Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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