pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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