I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
vagina is talking i cant
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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