No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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