On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
