maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
