his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
