Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
