my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
