I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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