maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
