it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
