i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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