i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
