I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
