when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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