Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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