I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
