Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
