I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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