i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
