thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
