I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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