I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i now understand why vodka
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
