8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
