if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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