You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
