good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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