I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
