I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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