it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
