If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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