I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
