she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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