i used baking grease as lip gloss
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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