have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
