oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
