She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
