mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
