You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
